Love Demands Sacrifice
by Lucario564
Summary: Spoilers for 3x10. Ever since Magnus gave up his magic he's felt empty. He's felt lost. He's felt angry. He's been keeping in these emotions for a few weeks now and its only a matter of time before it all comes out. Angst with a happy ending.
1. Chapter 1

It had been two weeks since everything went down with Lilith. Everyone had begun looking for Clary after Jace had refused to admit she was dead. There was no body, and Jace wouldn't rest until he found one.

Alec had healed from his stab wound quite well and wanted to get back out into the field about a day after his injury. Everyone refused. The _parabatai_ had talked and while Magnus knew that Jace still felt guilty for what the Owl had done, the excitement with Clary was distracting him from worrying about it too much.

Simon wasn't doing the best, but no one really could, given his situation. His girlfriend skipped town, he hurt his sister, and he had to convince his mother he was dead after hearing her call him a monster. Him and Izzy seemed to be getting closer though, and Magnus feared that if Maia didn't come back soon, whatever relationship they may have had left will be no more.

And Magnus? Well he's doing _fine,_ right? Giving up his whole life has practically no effect on him. He's perfectly okay with the fact that he was practically a mundane now. He's completely fine with the fact that he had no idea what he should do with his life now, right?

The truth though? Magnus couldn't be farther from alright. When he first got back, defeating the Owl and Lilith took up all his attention. Then it was figuring out how to heal Alec, and then how to deal with the whole Clary situation.

Now, Magnus has had the time to think, and it's what he hated doing the most at the moment. He had no magic, he was no longer immortal. He was basically just another mundane. A very old mundane, but a mundane none the less, and he really didn't know what to do with that.

Who was he? What was he supposed to do with his life now? After losing his position of High Warlock, he decided to focus on clients to keep him busy, but now? Now there was nothing he could do.

'And all for a _Shadowhunter?'_ he couldn't help but think bitterly. Magnus knew he had no right, but every time he flicked his wrist, and nothing happened he got just a little bit angrier, and as much as he wished that he wouldn't, that anger was usually directed at Alec.

He hadn't said anything out loud to the young Shadowhunter, but every time he is reminded that he did this for _him._ Magnus knew, if it weren't for Alec, he'd be as far away from any Nephilim as one could get. If it weren't for Alec a lot of things would be different.

And where was his darling Shadowhunter? Out. All the time, and Magnus knew it was completely unreasonable to be upset because Clary came first now, but by Lilith it was always something else that came first. There was always something and Magnus can't describe the pain he felt every time that man he loves walked out of the loft, without even noticing the pain he was in.

It was different before. Before Magnus would be walking out the door right with him, but now. Now he can't do that. Now he'd just get in the way. Of course, Alec had apologized for what Magnus had to do, but it was rushed and said in between figuring out what to do next. It wasn't heartfelt, and it just didn't feel as sincere as it should have been. It just didn't feel like Alec really understood what Magnus had given up. What he had given up for _him._

So, Magnus sat, in his loft with a half-drunk bottle of whiskey beside him, feeling entirely useless. Maybe he should talk to Alec and tell him how he was feeling. They had been working on communication after all, but Magnus didn't want to _talk._

He wanted to scream, he wanted to be angry, he wanted to tear the loft apart and make it understand the pain he felt. He wanted _Alec_ to understand the pain he felt. The hollow empty feeling without his magic running through his veins.

Magnus was pulled out of his thoughts as the door opened behind him. As much as he knew he should get up to greet the man he loves, he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

So, he sat, with his mostly drunk bottle beside him as Alec made his way over to him. "Hey," the boy said.

"How was it?" Magnus replied hollowly, barely looking at Alec.

"Not much of a lead. Jace is trying anything he can, but we can't track her and there's no evidence as to where Clary could have gone." Magnus did catch the concerned look that Alec was giving him and figured that had to mean some sort of progress.

"Maybe she is dead." Magnus regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. He didn't mean them, but he didn't take them back either.

"What are you saying, that we should just stop looking for her? How could you think to give up on her like that? On Jace like that?" Magnus flinched back at the name. _Jace_. It was always Jace, and it always would be.

"In case you haven't noticed Alec, I don't care about _Shadowhunters_ as much as you and many others seem to think I do," he spat. He saw Alec flinch back as if he had been slapped, but Magnus couldn't stop himself. He was _so_ close to snapping completely.

"Magnus! They're my family! How could you say something like that?"

"Because I am tired Alec!" he snapped. "I am tired of caring about a species that has treated me like filth for my whole existence! I am tired of giving up _everything_ to help the Nephilim! I am _tired_ of giving up _everything._ " His last sentence was said weakly, because he really was just tired.

"This is about your powers," Alec said in realization. "Magnus you have to know that none of us meant for that to happen. I didn't want you to have to do this." Magnus didn't hold back his scoff. Yes he did. Of course he wanted Magnus to do it to himself, because absolutely nothing was worth losing his precious _parabatai_.

"That doesn't matter Alec! It doesn't matter that you didn't mean for this to happen! It did happen and now I have no idea what that means for me! I have no idea what I am supposed to do with the rest of my now very short time left, because I gave up _everything_ for you Alec! Don't you get that? I have done everything for _you_ and now I have nothing left!" Magnus shouted, and by Lilith it felt great.

"I never asked you to Magnus!" Alec shouted back. "I didn't ask you to go to Edom and I certainly didn't ask you to make that deal with your father! You made that decision!"

"It's not like your really tried to stop me! It's not like you cared enough to tell me not to!"

"I did!" Alec defended.

"Barely," Magnus spat. "Because nothing will ever be as important to you as the perfect Jace Herondale. As long as he's okay nothing else matters, right?"

"You can't ask me to choose between you and my _parabatai!_ "

"Trust me Alec, I'm not. That question has already been answered loud and clear."

"That is not fair, and you know it!"

"I don't want to be fair Alec!" Magnus screamed. "I don't want to be reasonable! I want to scream, I want to cry, and I just want something to show for _everything_ I have done! I want something, because I will never have the gratitude of Shadowhunters, and I will never truly have you either. Because there is always _something_. Something is always more important, and I am tired of it Alec, I am tired!"

"You act like I haven't given up anything for you! I came out for you! I passed up a position in Alicante for you!" Alec shouted.

"Would you be de-runed?" Magnus asked coldly.

"What?" Alec asked, trying to figure out what that to do with their argument.

"Let's say the Clave made it a law that Shadowhunters couldn't be with Downworlders. What would you do Alec? Would you give up who you are for me?"

Alec stood, mouth open, not answering. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, but no sound came out

"Well, there you go. I gave up who I am for you Alec, and you wouldn't do the same for me. You thought with my immortality that you somehow meant less to me? Look at how wrong you are." Magnus had stopped screaming, all his energy spent. He turned away from Alec and began walking to the balcony.

"Do you regret it?" Magnus stopped completely. Alec's tone seemed pleading, like he was reaching for something to hold onto. "Do you regret giving up your powers to Asmodeus?"

"No," Magnus answered without turning around. "What I regret is ever getting involved with Shadowhunters." He walked out to the balcony and didn't even flinch as the door slammed behind Alec on his way out of the loft.

 **I never thought of myself as someone who'd want to write angst. I also never thought I'd ever want Magnus to be as angry at Alec as I want him to, but here we are. Magnus truly has given up a lot for Alec, and I think he has the right to be a bit upset by that. I'm debating if I want to continue this or not. I'm leaning towards leaving it how it is though. Just know that they'll work it out. They always find their way back to each other, right?**


	2. Chapter 2

Magnus woke up with a splitting headache. He wasn't used to how bad hangovers could be without his magic. They truly sucked, almost enough for him to stop drinking so much. Almost.

He only felt worse when he remembered what had happened the night before. He and Alec had fought. Well, more accurately, he fought Alec. Magnus didn't mean for all those words to come out in his drunken state. Those words that he didn't even mean, mostly at least.

He was just so angry. He was so mad at his father, at Lilith, at the whole world, and maybe a bit at Alec, but it was terribly unfair to blame Alec for his choices. A choice that Magnus didn't even regret. He would do it again in a heart beat so that Alec wouldn't have to kill his _parabatai_.

The things he said to Alec were just so cruel! Trying to make him choose between Magnus and Jace and then asking him if he'd be de-runed! He was being unfair, and the worst part was that he knew it. He knew that it wasn't fair, but he just wanted to do it anyways.

Magnus was pulled out of his self-hatred rant by a knock at the door. Who was coming to his loft at, he checked the clock, 12:30? Oh. He slept a lot later than he thought. Magnus got out of bed to answer the door, snapping his fingers to ready himself.

When nothing happened, Magnus curled his hand into a fist and let out a long sigh. It would take a long time to get used to that. No longer caring about his appearance Magnus went to answer the door. Nothing could describe the shock or horror he felt when he saw none other than Alexander Lightwood standing outside his door.

"Alexander?" Magnus asked, desperately failing to keep the shake out of his voice. "What are you doing here?"

Alec looked about as well as Magnus. His Shadowhunter was always gorgeous but the bags under his eyes, the disheveled hair, and clothes that he had been wearing yesterday still on his body did not make it particularly easy to see. There was also the fact that his hands were covered in bandages.

"What happened?" Magnus gasped as Alec opened his mouth to answer the previous question. He pulled Alec into the loft not caring about the fact that they had fought the night before. After sitting the younger man on the couch Magnus unwrapped the bandages and gasped at the sight.

All his knuckles were split open and had dried blood all around them. A bone or two might have even been broken from whatever had happened. Magnus, without thinking, waved his hand above the injury, before letting out a quiet "dammit."

"It's nothing," Alec muttered.

"It is most definitely not nothing Alexander! You look as if you had punched a wall about thirty times- Oh!" Magnus looked into his boyfriend's eyes upon his realization. "You did this after last night, didn't you?" Magnus whispered. Magnus didn't need an answer, didn't want one. Either Magnus was right, or Alec had these last night as well and Magnus was just too angry and drunk to notice. He didn't know which was worse.

They sat in awkward silence for a few minutes. Magnus swimming in guilt and Alec trying to figure out what to say. How had they ended up like this? The air hadn't been this awkward between them since their first date.

"I'm sorry Magnus," Alec eventually said. Magnus' head snapped up quickly and he looked at Alec with wide eyes.

"Alexander you have no reason to apologize. Last night was completely my fault. I was drunk, and I was frustrated and that's no excuse as to why I took it out on you," Magnus told him. He sighed and stood up, walking to the balcony. Alec quickly applied a few _iratzes_ to his hand before following behind him. "Maybe the Clave was right. They always said Downworlders were slaves to their emotions and this is the second time in a very short amount of time that I have intentionally hurt you because I was upset."

Alec took a deep breath. He didn't want to think about the time where they had been broken up. It was a bad time for both of them and they had both done things they regret.

"Why are you even still here Alec? Why would you still want to be with me after everything I've put you through? I'm sure there is some nice Shadowhunter boy that you could settle down with and have a nice life with. Someone kind and caring who could give you everything you need. Someone who is still useful." Magnus tried to blink back the stinging in his eyes.

Alec looked at his boyfriend in shock. He had expected the conversation to go in a lot of different ways, but this was in no way one of them. How could Magnus think any of those things about himself? Alec cupped the older mans face with both his hands.

"Magnus, don't you get it? You are the only one I could ever be with. I love you more than I could ever begin to say, and there is absolutely no one else I could consider spending my life with. We've both made mistakes in our relationship, and we're both becoming better because of them. How could you think for one second that I could let you go? I would do anything for you Magnus and I would give up any part of myself for you."

Magnus smiled slightly and dove into his lover's arms. Alec hugged him tight as Magnus buried his face into Alec's neck "I'm so sorry Alexander," Magnus muttered.

"I'm sorry too," Alec said putting a kiss on the side of Magnus' head.

"No, you have nothing to apologize for," Magnus said, lifting his head up.

"Yes, I do Magnus." Alec took a deep breath. "Last night I realized that some of the things you had said were true. You've given up so much for me and the Shadowhunters. Please, just let me say what I need to say," Alec said when Magnus opened his mouth to interrupt. Magnus nodded.

"You've done so much, and you've sacrificed more for me and my family than anyone I've ever known. You're so selfless to give Shadowhunters anything after the way they have treated you in the past. You're so open-hearted to give me a chance despite where I come from, and how I first behaved when we met.

"I can never thank you enough for everything you've done for me. You went to Edom, you met with your father after everything he put you through so that I didn't have to kill Jace. You gave up a part of yourself so that I wouldn't have to. And I haven't been very supportive since you came back. With everything going on with Clary I haven't been there for you while you've clearly been hurting."

"Clary's more important right now," Magnus couldn't help but interrupt quietly.

"Finding Clary is important, but so are you Magnus. The truth is that I've been trying to avoid it. I've felt guilty ever since you came back from Edom and I didn't know how to approach you. I didn't know how to tell you how sorry I was that I didn't stop you from doing what you did. I was avoiding it, and partially avoiding you, and for that I'm sorry."

Magnus waited a few seconds to make sure that Alec was done before he spoke. "It's okay. I've been trying to avoid it too in all honesty. But Alexander despite what I said last night I don't blame you for what happened. Giving up my powers was my choice and I would do it again without a second thought. And you also must know that I will _never_ regret being you. I'm so sorry I said that, but you have to know that I never meant it. I love you too much to ever regret it.

"It's just, ever since I've given up my magic I've felt so useless. Before when we had problem, I could be right there with you, helping you and keeping you safe from the demons in this world, and not just the real ones. Before I was able to help you figure things out and now… Now I just feel like I can't do anything."

"Magnus that is absolutely not true!" Alec said shocked. "You are still so useful, even without your magic. "You have been alive for centuries and have so much knowledge. You can read languages and understand thing that I couldn't even begin to. More than that you are still Magnus Bane. Without your magic and without any of those other things you help me in ways that no one else could.

"I came to you after what happened with Jocelyn and you helped me process what happened without using your magic. You helped me be true to who I am when no one else could. Izzy knew I was gay for years and she could never convince me to be honest. You have made me feel more loved and cherished in two months than anyone else has my whole life.

"There are so many others too. Raphael sees you as a father, and Clary and Izzy see you as one of their best friends. Jace feels so indebted to you after everything you've done for him and now my mom loves you like another son. No one sees you as useless and I will do everything in my power to assure that you don't either."

Magnus couldn't keep himself from letting a few tears fall. "Oh Alexander, how did I get so lucky as to find someone like you?" he said in awe of his boyfriend.

"Trust me Magnus, I'm the lucky one," Alec said before leaning in to kiss the man he loved. The kiss was full of passion, both men trying to convey how much they felt for one another in just a kiss. When they eventually pulled apart for lack of air they stayed extremely close, not wanting any distance between them.

"I love you so much Alexander Lightwood."

"And I you Magnus Bane." Both men smiled and leaned their foreheads against each other. "So, we're okay?"

Magnus laughed at how nervous the man sounded all of a sudden, as if after all that Magnus could still turn away from him. "Yes," he said. "We're okay now."

 **Somehow, I knew I'd never be able to stick with a sad ending. I love these two too much to leave them off while they're fighting.** **I'm thinking of making a small story about what would have happened if Magnus had said yes to his father's first request. Let me know if that is something you would like to see. Thank you to everyone who favorited, followed, and/or reviewed. It really does mean a lot to me.**


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